So Sat night I had a card party for a bunch of friends. About 15 people came over, nothing huge, but still a bunch. I had a fun time. It was the first really fun time I have had at the apartment. It was actually the first party I had put together and felt comfortable at in a long time. And now I am depressed. I hate that. I am probably more depressed now than I have been in two months and I my wife today - for whatever reason. I hate this, it's stupid. I guess it's a good idea I decided not to date or see anyone for a few months, now I think I was right that I am not ready. Sometimes it would just be nice to get along to call her and tell her that I know I could never take her back, but that I miss her and wish I could hug her. But besides the fact we hate each other she would never accept a hug in her best days. I'll be glad when this day is over and I can pick up my son from school. He seems to complete my world even on my worst days.