CNN.com - Four�U.S. civilians killed in Iraq - Mar 31, 2004


I need someone to explain to me why we don't let Iraq rot in it's own puss. Why are we there if the people don't want us there? Why did they whine about their leader only to beat our dead with sticks?

I say pack up our shit and come on home. Let them destroy their country or build it up. Why do we care one way or the other? What made them our responsibility in the first place?

Thanks Bush. Looks like a job well done! Who do we bomb next to make peace?


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Have you ever known anyone who was in a constant bad mood? What a shitty way to live. When you add greed on top of that it creates the mold of a worthless human being. Not matter how nice or funny they can be for a few moments, the lack of enthusiuasm displayes the rest of the time makes them seem worthless and a waste of good air.



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Yesterday I had minor surgery on my toe. To pass the time I read some magazines. In a recent copy (as recent as any doctors office can be) I saw a picture and article about a guy in a wheel chair who finds pleasure in going up and down a 12' skateboard half-pipe. That takes balls. I was flintching at the thought of a shot in my toe. And here's a guy in a wheelchair going balls-out down a 12' incline. Weird!



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Another nice weekend has come and gone. I spent hours in the car and hours working in a garage. But I still enjoyed things. The weather was OK, nothing to brag about.

My son was as wonderful as could be. We had some moments I hope to never forget. But I'm sure I will as new moments happen.

My wife worked way to much this weekend. I didn't get to see her much. But the money is needed and it gives her a chance to get away and relax. if that's possible at work.

Not much else going on lately. It's March. That means I am getting older, there are good college basketball games on and the weather is going to start warming up. So there is good and bad, but overall I am just glad that summer is on the way. I have huge plans this summer. More details later!!



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UrbanDictionary.com/marriage

So far I cannot argue with one of these definitions...



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CNN.com - Possible sighting of�Beagle probe - Mar 8, 2004

How can we keep spending billions of dollars on space travel and still worry about the deficit? Or how about why most Americans can't afford health insurance? What gives? Why doesn't the goverment take a year or two off space travel and pay their bills? Isn't that what they would tell us to do? I can hear them now: "Now Chuck, you need to skip your vacation this year and pay off your loans." And if I failed to do so I would be irresponsible and immature. But the goverment asks us to back spending billions of dollars on sending someone to Mars. What about lowering health care? What about saving money for my retirement? Isn't that why I pay money to SSN? Aparently not. Not only do I have to give the federal goverment 30% of every dime I make, but I have to save another 10% to ensure I have a retirement account. I have an idea, why don't you let me keep MY money that I have been forced to send into SSN and save it myself? At least then maybe I would have some when I want to stop working!


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I have the most beautiful wife on earth.
And the cutest son that anyone could pray for.



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Have you ever listened to an album so many times that you can actually sing the songs in the back of your mind and not even realize it? In the depths of my dungeon that I call my office I do not get radio stations. And for that matter I think it absorbs black holes and never spits them back out into space. It blows down here, and the only way I escape is because of how much it sucks in the other offices.

Anyways, I have played Alice in Chains, Jimmy Buffet and AC/DC so many times in the past seven years that I no longer hear them when they come on. The other day I was in my car driving somewhere and 'Down in a Hole' by Alice in Chains came on the radio. It's one of my all time favorite songs. While singing the song in my head I actually interjected and thought 'turn the radio on'. What a freak! It was on and playing, I was even singing with it!!! Yet that song is so ingrained into my skull that I never even noticed it playing. Strange, very strange.



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I'm getting older this month. I have lived ten years longer than what I should have had I stayed on the desructive path of my early 20s. Am I any smarter now? Sometimes I wonder the same thing. I'm happier if that means anything. I have to admit that at times I am very sad at the state of my life. And other times I wouldn't change things if I had to.

Recently I made a small list of things that have changed and things that have not changed in my world. It's an odd list, but here are a few of the things on it:

I no longer buy lottery tickets for myself. Only the occasional one for my wife. Is a strange act of love that I have always done instead of just saying 'I love you' I buy her something worthless and small to show that I was thinking about her.

I changed my choice of beer. After 14 years of drinking Michelob I have switched and prefer Amstel Light. That is a huge move for me. For non-drinkers; you have to understand that all drinkers have a drink of choice. And this selection RARELY if EVER changes. It's a life long decision.

I write stuff down. I throw myself into words. Why? Because something is wrong with my memory. Each year I forget more and more things. I'm not sure if it's because I no longer care, too many drugs in my early 20s or just the fact that something is wrong. Either way I put things in writing because it's easy and a it will be fun for my son to see how looney his dad was getting in his 30s!

I waste money without feeling bad. I feel I gave living wholesome and safe a try. All it got me was closer to bankruptcy than ever before. Being a homeowner is only good if you are happy with your home. Try paying for it and not being able to live in it. Then you will quickly learn how much you hate that house. I know, I'm dealing with it right now.

I will no longer call people who do not call me. And I will start calling people who I failed to call back.

I will stop trying to please people who are not happy with themselves. And I will start trying to keep happy people happy.

I will make new freinds and I will seek out old freinds from my school days. So far I have at least two friends that for a time I forgot about. It's a great feeling when they remember you. And I will also start forgetting about people who are my freind when I go out of my way to call them, see them or they need something. But never look my way first. You know who you are... 'Fuck You!'.

Anyways, thats part of the list. I would go on, but some of the stuff is private. One thing that I forgot to put on the list but started doing a couple weeks ago: I hug my son EVERYDAY. Even at two he is smart enough to appreciate it. I know people 28 who are not smart enough to realize how special a hug from me can be.


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Do you ever have those days you seem to wake up and have some kind of ephiphany? Or maybe it's more of a reafermation of things you already know. For example. I spent the evening alone last night and realized that I missed my son. Forget that I had just seen him four hours earlier and that I would see him again the morning. I still seemed lost without him. Then this morning I woke up in time to roll over and see my wife sleeping. I once again realized that no matter how pissed off she makes me, or how lonely marriage can be at times she is still one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. And that it's possible to miss someone laying right next to you. I guess that's the weird thing about growing up. You forget about wondering what others worry about and just worry within yourself that you are not living for your own happiness. And that includes the worry that your son, daughter, partner and freinds are happy to.

I have never been one to mince words. And I have never been a person to back down. But with each passing year I find or discover something within myself that I appreciate. As I age I am starting to live by diffrent creedo's than I used to. A couple that come to mind are: "some words once spoken, can't be taken back" and "it's not getting what you want, it's wanting you have". Some see my daily attitude as listless, selfish or depressed. I think I am finally realizing that my sons happiness is a direct reflextion of my happiness. As he gets older and grows he will look more to me to see what is supposed to bring joy into his life. How can I live a lie? Doesn't that force him into learning a lie about life? I guess I just don't give a fuck what others think any more. I don't want to be wealthy, I don't want to be the smart one, I really don't want to be popular. I just want to be me. I drink, I swear, I check out woman (window shopping only!), I avoid arguments and fights (although I struggle with that one and always have). I consider myself a mean, cold hearted person with a soft and secret underbelly. My strongest points? I appreciate beauty. I am open minded. I am loyal, extremly loyal. I have not always been, my close freinds and family will tell you that. But the past 10 years have changed my life. I am human, I make mistakes. But I pay for them within myself. No one else will ever know the punishments I put myself through.

If I could change one thing in my life it would be to have seeked out more freinds. I have but a few people that I can call a freind. I know a lot of people that I would have enjoyed getting to know but never did. And I know poeple who claim to be my freind but fail to be available when I need them. That includes my wife and her 'freinds'. If I teach my son one thing in life (beyond the basics - honesty, integrety, loyalty...) I am going to teach him to make freinds and then how to keep them. No matter how tired, busy or angry he is, there is always time to send them email, stop by or call. It doesn't have to be long, but it needs to be often. And then I'll have to break his heart and tell him that sometimes freindship is one sided. And for anyone reading this who feels guilty - 'FUCK YOU!' you are guilty and should feel bad. Do something about it.

I'm rambling today. But that's just my mood. I'll end by saying 'family, I love you!' I haven't said that enough today.

Something else I find amazing is our health care system. Today I called to make an appointment with my PPO provider. The assistant said my account had been 'dissmissed'. When I asked her what that ment she said that due to non payment I had been 'cut-off' from my doctor. And how much are we talking about? $43. Over a $43 bill that was not even aged 120 days for some test that I don't even remember I was denied service.

'Cut-off'? What the fuck! I guess the $589 a month out of my check, the $500 deductable and the $20 copay are just never enough. Insurance companies have the right to say 'no, we are not going to pay that bill' anytime they want. And why is that? I guess their background in medicine, experience as your private doctor have given them the knowledge to say what you do or don't need.

If my doctor says 'you need this test' I am not going to say 'no I don't'. It's not like I have a fucking medical background. Isn't that what I go to a fucking doctor for in the first place? Maybe if they gave me a RX pad and a little white outfit I could take care of myself. Or better yet, why not give me a computer terminal and a book of how to say medical words. Then I can deny or authorize all my own medical treatments like the insurance compaines do.

All I have to say to US insurance companies is:
"FUCK YOU! You charge too much, deny too much and take too long."

And thinking about it, that would also include auto insurance companies and home owners insurance companies too!!! You are nothing but mafia with a business permit.

Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like every coworker you have is an idiot? After seven years at the same place I get asked the same questions daily. Amazingly enough it by all the same people. My two year old son has a better memory retention that some of these people.

Have you ever tried to count how many things can go wrong in the first half hour of work? And then you realize that nothing is really broken, it's just stupid people doing stupid stuff. But when it comes time to fix it, they some how forget the small details and get mad at you for not being able to split an atom with a butter knife!

I think people are getting lazy. The world has become so automated that people want computers to do the work for them instead of the computer making thier work easier.

It's about time someone cam up with a site dedicated to boobies! What ever happened to the 80s theme 'express yourself!'?

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